This is a self-reflective post. You’re welcome to skip it 🙂

 

During my evenings in the park, I noticed whenever the train passed by, the chuga chuga sounds becoming louder as it’s approaching nearer, the labourers would pause in their tracks, look up and watch. Transfixed; their gazes never leaving the sight of it until it has truly passed by.

As if a spell had been cast.

 

The sight of it all made me wonder.

 

And then it hit me; just how many people dream of catching a flight booked at random, or jump onto a car and hope it’d take them away from the present?

Just how many? Almost everyone I’d say. Almost each and every one of us.

 

So I guess, it’s not that different for them. To be able to jump onto the train and anticipate the journey onwards. To get away from the repression of their custom and caste, leave it all behind and start anew.

 

Somehow, realising this awoke something in me;

For all my insecurities and fears, whatever have I done to overcome them?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Only unlike them labourers, I’m a person of freewill. My mind isn’t chained by the rooster coop, my conscience as clear as any.

 

I’d spend a chunk of my life moping around, wallowing in self pity. I was adamant people should accept me as I was, putting my hopes up that someone’d be able to see through all the layers I’d wrapped around myself and sort out the whole mess for me.

How fairytale it all sounded. How absurd.

 

I got so used to these, it never occurred to me all I had to do was step forward. That I could change and turn my life around.

 

There’s a piece of the Quran that says,

“Truly, God does not change the condition of the people until they change what is in themselves,” 13:11

 

Oh it’s a well known ayat, one I’d used countless of times myself. But being in the comfortable zone often makes you blind. Analysing one’s behaviour closely enough gives you the impression of knowing- it doesn’t stop you from behaving in a self-destructive way.

 

(This ayat, I believe is the answer to, if God exists, then why is there still war and hatred and evil in this world?

Because if you think you could sit still and do nothing and still expect everything to come out beautifully, well then, it’s not God whom you’re seeking- it’s the fairy godmother. I believe I’m here for a reason, I certainly wouldn’t wanna live my life as a puppet)

 

Who am I to expect God to work everything out for me? Especially since I never put any sweat in it myself. The cheek of me!

 

The things you could learn from life. If only you’d learned to keep your eyes open.

 

I have watched that train wistfully from afar all these years.

It’s time to jump aboard.

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