If there’s one thing I want more than anything in the world,

 

It’s to pack my bags and leave. I wanna go somewhere far and start my life all over. I want to cut off all ties. No family, no friends, nobody I know to offer a smile to.

 

I’m never one to stay around. I’m not one of the people who would be jotting down phone numbers and addresses just before saying my farewell. The moment I walk out, I usually have made a mental note of the people I would delete from my phonebook.

 

That’s how it was in high school. That’s how it was in PLKN. In matriculation. In foundation. And 2 years from now, that’s how it’ll be here.

 

Keeping in touch isn’t my forte.

 

Dad always reminds me, “It’s not what you know. It’s who you know.” and while I can’t deny the truth in that, it’s not something I’m willing to embrace.

These people, these faces, they have no significance in my life. And I won’t allow them to be more than that.

 

It always puzzles me how I turn out to be this person. But then I realised I grew up with this feeling of distrust. It has always been there. Because aside from my parents, I don’t expect anyone to be there when I need them. Not even my siblings, as much as I love them.

 

With people, there’re too much expectations. Too many hearts I have to care not to break. Too heavy of  a commitment.

And I’m scared I’ll just end up hurting those who care for me.

 

A life of solitude is all I want. I don’t need anything else, don’t need anyone else. Except for money bwhahaha.

 

So yeah, that’s my goal 10 years from now. To leave. The sooner, the better. Mum always makes some kind of a joke when I told her this, but I’m not.

 

I want out.

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