I wonder whether I know the feeling of missing. Or whether there’s anyone I even miss.
Truth to be told, I don’t think I know. And I don’t think I do miss any human being’s presence.
That includes my family.
I don’t complain if my mum doesn’t call me frequently anymore . And I never feel I have anything to say to my siblings.
Especially my elder brother.
The only folder I could find his picture is Raya 2009. And it wasn’t even taken by me =____=”
I meet him once a year, during Raya. And I talk to him on the phone twice in a year. Provided I call and not message him on his birthday and vice versa that is.
And…well, that’s it.
I don’t chat/swap emails/FBing/Skype/talk on the phone with any of them.
Whenever Mum calls, she would ask,
“So have you called Abang or Dedek?”
And my answer would always be,
I don’t believe in love nor marriage; those’re normal by my standards. But the last time I was home, I realised I didn’t want a family of my own or to ever settle down either.
Last time at least I wanted kids so they could say their prayers for me if I were dead. Children are long-term investments.
I even asked my dad, coz he’s just that. He’s married and he has a family and he has settled down. His reply was,
“All I want is for my children to be successful.”
It’s a capitalist world. Successful ok. What happened to happiness =____=”
And when my own mother says I’m cold hearted, I know the time has come for me to worry.
Makes me wonder what kind of a person I’ve turned into.
I’m one hell of a corrupted person.