I wonder whether I know the feeling of missing. Or whether there’s anyone I even miss.

Truth to be told, I don’t think I know. And I don’t think I do miss any human being’s presence.

That includes my family.

 

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I don’t complain if my mum doesn’t call me frequently anymore . And I never feel I have anything to say to my siblings.

 

Especially my elder brother.

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The only folder I could find his picture is Raya 2009. And it wasn’t even taken by me =____=”

 

I meet him once a year, during Raya. And I talk to him on the phone twice in a year. Provided I call and not message him on his birthday and vice versa that is.

And…well, that’s it.

I don’t chat/swap emails/FBing/Skype/talk on the phone with any of them.

 

Whenever Mum calls, she would ask,

“So have you called Abang or Dedek?”

And my answer would always be,

“No.”

 

I don’t believe in love nor marriage; those’re normal by my standards. But the last time I was home, I realised I didn’t want a family of my own or to ever settle down either.

Last time at least I wanted kids so they could say their prayers for me if I were dead. Children are long-term investments.

 

I even asked my dad, coz he’s just that. He’s married and he has a family and he has settled down. His reply was,

“All I want is for my children to be successful.”

It’s a capitalist world. Successful ok. What happened to happiness =____=”

 

And when my own mother says I’m cold hearted, I know the time has come for me to worry.

Makes me wonder what kind of a person I’ve turned into.

 

I’m one hell of a corrupted person.

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