As the sounds of fireworks emit outside, the calendar turned its page from December 2009 to January 2010, and the clock’s hand ticks 12.01 am, I found myself in front of the laptop.
I stared at my blog. I flicked the pages of 2009. All in the hope of finding proves of a memorable year.
I found nothing. 2009 was just another year. 2010, will be just another year.
The change of year does not mean anything to me. For I don’t find any other changes happening along with it. The world is still as it was. There wasn’t any gap between the 31st of December and the 1st of January. There wasn’t time for anything to occur for the better.
I dislike measuring my life by the years that had passed, or by the age I am now. I dislike looking back, reminiscing on things I don’t find worth remembering. I dislike evaluating such an abstract thing.
I live. And will continue living, insyaAllah.
But that’s just me I guess.
On a completely different note, MY GOD I SPEND 2 HOURS SLAVING MYSELF TIDYING MY ROOM =___=”
And if I had hours to waste on a messy room, yes, you got it right: The family had left.
Watching them leave, I waited for the wave of loneliness crashing over me. I waited for the tears to come, or at least, a sniff. Only that they didn’t. It was like I was merely sending strangers off.
I realised that, no matter how far I was from home, I rarely missed my family. I never felt homesick, I never felt burdened, never cried every time I had to leave home for some place else.
I never felt they were that far from me. My parents call me almost everyday. I still tell them the details of my daily activities. I come home twice a year. What is there to be so emotional about?
I finally understood that between me and my family, there has to be distance. Only then will I feel at peace. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family as much as every daughter loves hers. It’s just that, with distance, I appreciate them a lot more. My relationship with my parents nowadays is way better than my staying-at-home days. Conversation on the phone seems easier than talking to them face to face.
And my attitude and mood change drastically whenever I’m home. Dunno why dun ask me.
And thanks to Zatyfaty and Hani Gemok, I am down with fever. YES ESOK TAKYAH GI POSTING