For the past 3 weeks, I’ve been asking myself this question frequently enough it was more than sufficient to drive me mad.


Again. This time, what will it be?


I’ve gotten the answer.


Alhamdulillah, I passed 😀  I PASSEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


I was so happy that I squealed inside the dean’s office. If it were my dad sitting across me, I would have hugged him. If I could bounce like a ball, I would already be dancing around. If I could express the happiness I felt at that moment, I would! The sky suddenly seemed brighter, the sun less glaring, the air fresher. Life had never been sweeter.


Undoubtedly, being threatened to repeat one whole year of only biochemistry scared me. I wouldn’t know how to face myself, wouldn’t know which direction my feet should take me. I would be at lost.


Having ample time in these past few weeks gave me a lot of chances to reflect on myself. When I studied for the supplementary exam, it made me realised that I deserved to fail during professional exam. Heck, there were so many things I never knew! It made me wonder exactly what have I learned in the past one year. Exactly what was I so busy doing that I never had the time to read those chapters. I fooled around too much. That, I couldn’t deny.


I realised, I wasn’t prepared to be a doctor. Never in my heart did I see myself as one 4 years from now. The idea was too much of a joke to be taken seriously. And that, I need to change. Period. I don’t want another month like this one. Mentally and emotionally anguishing. I don’t want to go through it again. I want to stop suffocating. It’s hell on earth.


Thanks for the support guys >_< and of course, my parents lah. Perghhh, tulis as if I’ve just won an award ke apa. HAHAHAHAHA.