Kan I dah cakap.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I failed biochemistry. I bloody failed biochem *smashes head against the wall*
I kindda expected it. Yet when the dean told me I had to bring biochemistry books home, I felt crushed. For a minute I was stunned. Speechless. And then I started to cry. It’s as if the sky had crashed on me. I couldn’t bring myself to accept it.
I know 70% of us failed, but somehow, somehow I’d hoped I was among the 30% of those who passed. How do you pick up the phone and tell your parents you’d failed?
I did try. I know I did try and that’s what’s so disappointing. The fact that I’d tried but I still failed. It’s as if one whole year of hard work had turned into dust. It’s as if all I’ve learned is worthless.
There could be so many ifs, so many maybes. There are so many things I could blame for my failure. But in the end I’m disappointed the most with myself. I shouldn’t have let myself failed. I shouldn’t have let myself hurt my parents.
In the end I only have myself to blame.
But those who know me know that I don’t feel depressed for long. It’s a waste of life.
After that minutes turned to hours, after my fat wallet became thin, after my bare hands became full with plastic bags, I felt better. It’s not the end of the world. Come to think of it, it’s not that bad. I mean, yeah, I was planning to go home after I’d passed my first year. I certainly did not plan on spending my holidays studying.
It could have been much worse. I could have failed Anatomy. Now that would be a nightmare. Had that happened, I would certainly jump into the sea. That is if I could find one nearby. To repeat Anatomy. Is. Hell. Brainheadneckupperlimblowerlimbthoraxabdomenembryologyhistologyosteology geneticsgeneralanatomy. Mampus. The books alone would have weighted 20 kg.
And I know a lot of people have to repeat both anatomy and biochemistry.
At least I can say alhamdulillah, I passed Anatomy and Physiology. But I failed biochem dammit. Allah knows what’s best for me ^_^
All this while I’ve been on top that when I actually fell to the bottom, it hurts badly. But this is medicine. This is life. And failing, is a necessary experience. I’ll take it as a lesson. I’ll take it as a challenge. What happened, happened. There’s no turning back. There’s no point in sighing. All I can do is look forward. I have 6 weeks to study for the supplementary exam. 6 weeks should be more than enough. And buku biochem tak berat 😛
Mum and Dad, I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. But I promise I’ll work harder this time.
I will not loss to biochem again. Mati hidup balik pun I’ll make sure I passed. So Satyarana, whether you want it or not, you’re coming home with me 🙂
On the bright side:
At least now I could use my Anatomy record book as a base to put my laptop on top of the comforter permanently wahahahaha.