2nd Internal Assessment is only 2 weeks away, woohoo!

*stabs oneself with a fork*

 

Die la. A lot of things I haven’t read, haven’t memorised, haven’t….well, a lot of haven’ts lah. Have je yang sikit.

 

Since I dunno what to talk about, and since I’m sick of looking at the same post appearing everytime I clicked on my blog, mari kita bercakap tentang

 

DSC00185 

 

Death 🙂

 

Like it’s an-everyday issue, lol. But let’s.

 

I know everyone who lived would die but I never took it seriously I guess.

 

Maybe it’s being here; being with the cadavers (corpses) 3 times a week, the terrorists’ attacks, the high possibility of being hit by a car everytime I cross the road, I constantly think of dying.

Or maybe it’s just me, hehe.

 

Ever heard people around you say,

 

“Ala, kalau dah ajal tu mati jugak.” ?

 

That’s bullshit.

For the smug expression, for the words carelessly thrown, he/she is full of bullshit. It’s as if they’re constantly prepared for death when in reality, I know they’re not. And that irritates me.

 

I didn’t mean bullshit as in I didn’t believe in it. It is true. When the time comes, regardless of anything, we’d die. But if someone threw you into the sea, it’s an act of impulse to struggle to swim even if you didn’t know how to. Nobody would stay still and let the waves to just swallow them. Most people wouldn’t choose death over life.

 

No matter how lunatic life could be, or how prepared you are of death, at the last minute, you’d chicken out.

As hard as living is, dying is a lot harder. And that’s just dying, not being dead. Being dead I dunno 😛

 

Honestly, I’m scared of dying. I’m scared of the unfulfilled responsibilities. Scared of the apologies I haven’t seeked for. The debts I haven’t repaid. The unspoken words and the undone deeds. I’m scared of what’s awaiting me.

 

Sometimes I question, is it better for us to know when we”ll die? Or is it better not to know?

I don’t know.

 

But if I could choose, even though I know it’s impossible, if I could choose my way of dying, I’d prefer that I know The Day. I’d prefer to know that death is looming even though it’s more painful that way.

 

Humans would never repent until death stares them in the eye. And that includes me.

 

Wallahualam.

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