It never failed to amaze me how life could take a sudden turn. No matter how neatly your dreams are arranged, they could be crushed in a matter of seconds. Science could never explain that. Even if it could, I could never grasp the theory.


Flash news: I probably have to wait until February to pursue MBBS


They said I didn’t have a placement at IMS. They said the number of current students have exceeded the quota and that they’re in the process of applying with MMC to increase it. They said if it has been increased I would be given top priority since I was their student.

Right. So can someone explain to me why 19 of Kolej Mara Seremban students were the first batch to leave for IMS? KMS students as in not MSU students.

I’ve passed the entrance exam and interview. I’ve gotten the offer letter and MARA. Visa and all the other craps were all done. All that’s left was to go to India and study. Only that I couldn’t go because I don’t have a placement.

Why is it that those students who got lower CGPA than I did got to go but I didn’t? I don’t understand.

I don’t even understand the whole situation.

Yes I was devastated. Yes I was frustrated. I was angry, upset and other emotions words couldn’t begin to describe. Wouldn’t you? After months of thinking you’re going. After all the plannings you’ve done with your friends. After the news had spread to everyone who knew you.

Wouldn’t you feel what I felt?

My parents said I needed a vacation. A month ago, that would be pleasant. Now the only flight I would want to be on is the one taking me to the place where I would pursue MBBS. I don’t need a vacation. To take one would mean I won’t be going anywhere for sure. That I’ll still be stuck here for the months to come. I just need some peace and quiet. I need a place where no one would pester me with questions I don’t wanna answer.

That’s why, for almost a week, I’ve been staying at Gran’s. I never thought I would run away again, but I am. I couldn’t stay at home and be reminded of my failure. I could not look at my parents and not feel frustrated. I couldn’t  bear to answer people’s questions.

I couldn’t accept the whole situation. I want things to fix themselves without me having to do anything. I know it’s irresponsible but I couldn’t bring myself to face it.

So now you know why I didn’t update my blog. Why I didn’t answer your calls and reply your messages. Why I seemed to disappear and couldn’t be found anywhere.

It’s not because I’m already in India. It’s because I couldn’t get over of how much of a loser I am.

She who could not do medicine 🙂