When I started doing Foundation in Medicine, I thought I had found one of the purposes in my life. I thought I had finally figured out what I wanted to spend the rest of my remaining time doing.

I did.

I wanted to be a doctor. And suprisingly, more than a year later, I still stick to my decision (=P)
I have an ambition. I have a dream. I have something I need to fulfill, no matter what it takes.
That feeling gives me some comfort.

But now, I’m at lost.
And now, I’m scared.

Because finally, I have to come up with another major decision.

University placement.

Coming into our second long semester, most of my friends had brought up the question. As to where to go; which university, which country. My answer was always this, “I don’t know. I’ll decide when the time comes.” Each time we had the ISEP (International Students Exchange Programme) briefing, it’d leave me feeling uneasy. Because I didn’t know. And I still don’t know.

Truth is, I hate making decisions. I dislike having to think of the pros and cons. The advantages and disadvantages. Personally, I think it’s easier if MSU just shoved me to whichever university they think is suitable. Though in truth, it wouldn’t taste that sweet.

Now I only have another short semester before I’m done and I know the time for making that decision has come. I’ve avoided it long enough. The next intake is in September or October and if I miss those, I’ll have to wait for another whole year. What should I do? Duduk rumah tanam jagung is it? Hell no.

I’ve officially missed the entrance exams to Czech and Poland. Despite words of encouragement from my friends, I refused. Despite having more than the minimum GPA, I refused. The entrance exam was 3 days before my finals. If I screwed my finals, then I was screwed. Not worth it especially for countries I never intended to go. Trust me, experiencing 4 seasons and being in Europe have never been in my list. Those are just typical Malaysians’ excuses.

I have one country in mind. One country that whenever I mentioned it to other people, I’d get arched eyebrows as their response. A country that, even I, couldn’t explain the reason why I want to study there so badly.

Despite that, yeah, I’m still in a deep dilemma.