Do you really care or were you just pretending all this while?

That’s the question I feel like spitting at her.
But I didn’t.
It’s easier to avoid eye contact and limit my acquaintance.

How could anyone do that? No, not wondering. More like furiously yelling.

My heart refused to believe it. That was then. Now my mind tells me otherwise.
Just thinking that, knowing the chances are there stabs me in the heart.
To think I’ve been finding excuses for her. To think I’ve been defending her.
Now I just feel dirty. Now I just feel used.
There’s always a loophole. That’s what I believed on the first time.
Any human could make mistakes. But to ignore on the second time.
When the proof is dancing naked in front of me.
That would make me a downright fool.
I would have given anything to prove it wrong. That it’s just one ugly mistake.
But it’s not. It never was. That’s what’s so disappointing.

Ctah taught me it’s not how long you know someone that matters, it’s how well you know them. You could never know someone well enough, no matter how long. Not 18 years. Not 50 years. Not even a whole lifetime. Every part of me wants to feel angry. But all I feel, is hurt. And all I have are bitter tears. Pathetic.
Knowing now the smiles and the warmth are fake. She’s one hell of an actress, that I can give her. Haha. Now I don’t know who to trust. I suck when it comes to judging people. Big time. It’s time to tread carefully.

Even now, they refuse to do anything. Letting bygones be bygones. Acting as if it never happened.

I didn’t understand why.

But now, I think I do.

It’s called sacrifices.

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