Every last night. This is what I would feel.
It’s not missing home. It’s not waking up on another bed in another room. It’s not not hanging out with my old crowd. Like a curse, the feeling of losing something. The unability to grasp it for life. It was then, when the world was spinning and the people in it were moving, laughing, talking merrily. I was lost in the middle of all those. People rushed passed by but I couldn’t follow their tunes. I couldn’t reach towards them. In that crowdedness, I was the only one who halted. All I could do was watched, and trying hard not to fall. Not to be stepped on. But I just stood there. I couldn’t bring myself to move. Closing my eyes, hoping when I opened them, things would slow down.
The pace that I walked, the minutes that I used.