Suddenly, I feel not so good again. I’m becoming more paranoid now. %&*@#! It’s like, you know, when the car stops at the traffic light, I would snap out of my thoughts and realised I’ve been holding my breathe all those time. I need air.
Please someone splashed my face with icy water.
How am I gonna live? How, I ask you. Don’t answer that. It’s a question not meant to be answered. You know, I figured things would be easier if I could just stop thinking about certain things. Like when I feel I’m fat and I’m too lazy to exercise and going on a strict diet is a no no to me, I would pay less attention to when and what I eat. It’s easier that way… so why isn’t this? Shouldn’t it be the same? It should be but why isn’t it??
When I hold a pen, I’d notice my hands are shaking and that I’m trying hard to hold the tears back. Sometimes I could just zone out without any reason. I don’t even know what I’m thinking. Sometimes I would feel frustrated out of the blue. That adds to the confusion even more. What the hell is going on?
Life indeed. I’m sick of that word yet I keep mentioning it. Why?
Changes. I know people change for the better but I hate it anyway. Why?
Why why why?
No matter how many thousand times I ask that question, I wouldn’t be able to find the answer.
It’s so hard to keep a positive view on things. Mopping around isn’t an option either. If, if I could just die for a while and be alive once more after that. Wasn’t that a stupid if? Who would want to die? I sounded like a psycho. Gah. Maybe I am, who knows. Beware then.
Nowadays, I don’t feel like sleeping. Last week, I didn’t want to wake up. The waking up part, I do understand but the sleeping part? Eh? Tired, sleep la. What for stay awake. Arghh. The more I’m awake, the more I need to think right?
When some people read this, they will probably say, “Sik alah-alah nya ya.” or, ” Just live your life and stop babbling. Everyone has problems.”.
I’m ruined. That’s all I can say. I’ll sleep on this so-called problem. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better.