For the first time, she cried. I didn’t know for what reason. Nobody knew. I stared for quite some time. Just watching and waiting. She smiled at me. I smiled back. Then she sat and did her usual stuff. I thought she was fine. We all thought so. Not when I saw the tears welling in her eyes. Not until I saw her secretly wiped those tears away. Biting her lips, she was still smiling. Smiling and crying silently at the same time. I wondered how she could still see. I wondered what’s going on through her mind. I will never know. I did what I was best at. I kept my silence. I wondered what could make her cried. Of all the years I’ve known her, she was a strong person. Stronger than me even. Yet now, she’s alone in her silence. In a way I’d never imagined. I didn’t dare asking. I couldn’t. Couldn’t even imagine what might have hurt her. I had my suspicions, but that’s it.
I wanted to ask whether she’s fine. I wanted to make sure she’s okay. Even then, something about her attitude told me otherwise. That if I asked her those questions, I would get the answers I’d expected. The way she’s acting…it’s like she wanted everyone to think things were as normal as ever. She didn’t want any question asked. She didn’t want anyone to know. She’s still her, just not quite. For once, I could see she’s tired. I could see the lines on her face, aged by years in a short period of time. Her cheeks weren’t flushed, her eyes weren’t bright. I wanted to shake her back to her sense. I wanted her to snap out of her problems and faced reality. The world she’s living in. Did she even notice that?
Then one day, I saw her cried. Really cried. Something I’d never witnessed before. She was alone in her room, hugging a pillow. Using it to muffle any noise she’s making. I really thought of entering the room to comfort her before I changed my mind; she wouldn’t want anyone to realise that. Maybe it’s a good thing, I don’t know. Giving in to the grief she unsuccessfully tried to hide. In the end, it came to this.