When a person dies, a door shuts but with one closed door, opens up a lot more for others. We realised that life is temporary. We learn to treasure what we have. We analyse things with more care. For once, we are finally able to hear and see.

In every of my down, I found ups. When I gained something, I lose the other. In one mistake, I learned lessons worth for life. I couldn’t have everything in life, that I realised. I couldn’t help making errors and mistakes along the way and that’s okay, because that’s how life was destined to be but sometimes, just sometimes, I couldn’t help asking myself whether I could undone what’s done because a mistake isn’t a mistake unless it can’t be repaired. That’s what I thought yesterday. That was the question that kept whirling in my head but today, something else hit me; do I want it to be repaired? Is it worth it, to lower my pride, to shake off all the doubts and just act…hoping for the best? When I know somewhere in my heart it’s pointless.

Yes, I want it to be repaired but I don’t want to end up repairing it alone. It is worth it for the sake of the past but what’s past can’t be the future. Even after all that, I find myself not wanting to do it. In the end, I’m the one who remembers. In the end, I’m the one who cares and in the end, I’m the one who’ll get hurt again. Those are not what I want. Like a VASE, it’s fragile. When it breaks, it can be mended. A mended vase however is full of cracks. It doesn’t have the smooth surface it once had. I don’t want a mended vase.

What’s written can be unwritten. What’s painted can be erased. It just shows that nothing’s permanent. People changed. The world changed. Thus our views on things aren’t the same anymore. Everything’s different. That’s the way the world goes. That’s the way life works.
I am not a quitter. I don’t do jobs halfway. But I do know when to quit. I do sense it when all my hard work is going to be wasted. Quitting doesn’t mean you’re giving up. Quitting is knowing when to stop and I guess, I’m quitting =) I can’t cling to the past forever. I can’t spend my days asking, worrying and wondering. I’ve done what I could. I’ve spend huge chunks of my days just trying to figure everything out. Everything links. When I’m cold, I would find ways to warm myself. When I cry, I would find ways to smile. There’s no reason why I couldn’t do the same now. I got myself into this mess in the first place. That’s my fault and I’m the one to blame. I’ll get myself out of it as well.

Whatever happens, I try not to judge people. When it comes to human, it’s too subjective. We can be nice when we want. Yet the next time we’ll be shouting and banging on tables. We act differently towards different people. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to fathom out someone because you’ll never know. If this is what it seems, then let it be. In the end when we look back, we’re the one who made the choices. They don’t have to be the right ones. There’s no question about that here. It’s the fact that you got yourself in control. It’s the fact that you managed to mend things however the turnout turns to be. How you mend it is up to you.

At last, I’m able to smile. Not an evil smile. Not a fake smile. Not a sarcastic smile. But a sincere smile that comes from my heart.

Advertisements