As promised, here I am. Not that I’ve done that well, but acceptable. Just acceptable. Gotten 8as. And without fail, I keep thinking. What if? What if I’d worked harder? What if I’d been more serious? What if I’d studied earlier? I should have done better.
Shouldn’t we all?
But this isn’t the time and place for what ifs. What’s done is done. The past is the past. A part of me feels
no regrets for what has happened. The way I’d led my life last year was joyful. And I don’t think I’d trade it for anything in this world. I’d want to go back in time, no doubt. But not to experience it again, no. Just to observe and learn. So that I can remember it forever.
The day. It was as
NORMAL as ever. I woke up at 8 am, took a bath. And felt irritated when I remembered that the results were coming out today. Because I still wanted to enjoy my time at home. The feeling of waking up and sighing, not knowing what to do for the rest of the day. Sick
of doing the same things over and over again…and lazing around the house without any purpose.
Those feelings. 5 minutes before leaving home, I tucked a packet of tissue in my pocket. Just in case. Cried. Because I was scared, knowing that I’d done badly in the exams. The first thing I said to my mum was asking her and my dad not to be mad if, just if, I didn’t do well.
The journey to school was the
LONGEST journey I’ve ever felt.
Arrived at school, I saw Rina’s father and brothers. I didn’t dare enter the office.
So i stood on the stairs, plucking up courage to face whatever I’d gotten. Ctah came. And we cried. When Jolene arrived, we went inside the office together. Jo kept saying she already
know hers. And Rina’s. And mine. I kept pleading her to tell me since there’s a queue to check the results.But all she’d said was, “You did okay,”. How okay
is okay? 4as isn’t okay. I looked at my results with shaky hands. Rushed out of the office, informed my parents of my results, hugged my mum and cried. And so I cried.Out of joy. I don’t think I’d ever forget the expression on my parents’ face. Joy, relief and proud at the same time. The greatest 30 seconds in my life. Why? Because all this while, if there were people that I was scared of letting down, it’s my parents. Not my friends, not my teachers, not even myself. But my parents.I don’t think I’d be able to face their disappointment. They’ve done so much, given so much, that I felt it’s more of their success than mine. It’s their celebration. And i couldn’t help wondering, how could a parent’s love towards his or her child be so great? A mystery I’d never unveiled. When i arrived home, I took out the packet of tissue. And smiled when i saw it’s unopened.