It’s not like i’m an unsympathetic cow or anything but it’s really hard to show any emotion towards the earthquake incident when it made the connection SUCKS. Big time. It’s funny when so many people are online but couldn’t chat with each other and had to make do instead with typing out personal messages for the others to read. Haha. And how I had to wait for HOURS for the pages to finish loading. Not to mention the whole text-messaging thing. It’s hard not to feel pissed.
Okay, so today’s a SHITTY DAY. What’s with the connection ordeal and everything. I think my head almost cracked with all the readings I’ve done. Basically because there’s nothing else to do. I couldn’t even bath my rabbits because I just remembered I’d finished the last bottle of shampoo the last time I’d bathed them and now I’ve to wait until tomorrow to get a new bottle. My mum suggested using Pantene. But who was she kidding? Pantene on rabbits? And besides, it was raining. Again. I wonder what Mr. Sun’s doing behind all those clouds. Duh.
I just knew that Asylla won’t be going to national service. Not the first series anyway. She’s going to the second one. For a moment I felt dazed. Too shocked to say anything. It’s like when I was sitting for chemistry and biology paper 2 during SPM. I had the confidence I’d do well since I’d work hard at those subjects. Only to discover in horror that I couldn’t answer most of the questions asked. That there’s a possibility I might not scored As in those subjects. That my future’s half ruined. That I was ruined. That was what I felt 30 minutes ago.
Looking at my friends, it’s hard to be jealous. I feel happy for them. Education is important right? No questions about it. I just feel sick. Knowing that I don’t have any idea where I’m going. Or what I’ll do. What I’ll get. I don’t have any plans. Not simply because I don’t like planning. But because I don’t know what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. I don’t know what my interests are, if there’s any. I just know that I won’t be opting for options I don’t even want to consider. I don’t know if that’s stupid or not. Most people think it is. I’m not being CHOOSY or PICKY or whatever. I just want to do something I like, whatever it is. It’s hard to live up to my brother because his field of interest is so different from mine. Sure, my parents have a thing or two to say about that. A part of me wants to follow what they say. So I can prove to them that I’m not exactly dumb. And maybe, for once, to make them proud of me. That was why I took science stream in the first place. Stopped doing what I liked just because they never took any interest in it no matter what my achievements were. That’s what so hard.
Somehow, I feel like I’ve LOST IT ALL. Like a twig in a middle of a hectic road. Ordinary and useless.