I’ve no idea

I know I should have updated earlier. And I know I should have uploaded the Kerala pictures by now.

But my house’s internet connection wasn’t working (yes, again. stupid Tata).

 

Though going to Kerala was a blast, I have to accept the fact that the holidays have ended. And the next one is..well, let’s just say it’s nowhere near in the future. Or the next few months even.

 

So yes, sorry peeps. I’ll tell you guys more about Kerala later k? Even though the story will be basi in the next few..er, weeks, please bear with me. I have other priorities right now.

 

For example, classes have started. And First IA results are out.

 

All I can say is… have you ever felt as if someone had stabbed your heart with a fork, twisted it around and around and flung it across the room where it smashed against the wall, stamped on it until it’s flat like a pancake and spit on it?

 

That’s how I felt when I’d gotten my marks.

 

It was beyond bad. In fact, it was horrible. So horrible that I felt like flinging myself in front of the many many irresponsible drivers on the roads of India. So horrible that I’d re-thought my decision to be a doctor multiple times over.

 

But of course, I couldn’t bail out. Not now, not anywhere in the future, not ever.

 

I just have to bear with it and work harder. Preferably, smarter. Like my dad said, there’s no time to cry over spilt milk. Besides, spilt milk are meant to be thrown away. To the garbage where it belongs.

 

That doesn’t mean it didn’t do any damage though. What hurt further was when I was about to break the news to my dad. And just after he told me Zatyfaty scored straight As in PMR too (congrats btw!).

 

His expanded bubbly heart must have been deflated by my result.

 

 

 

Anyways, today is the last day of 2008 right?

 

 

To see it spelled out like that seems odd. Maybe because once upon a time, it actually meant something to me. Or maybe because now, everyday feels the same.

 

An ending to be reflected upon.

 

I couldn’t say whether this time it’s a good or a bad one because honestly, too much has happened that I feel as if I’m in an entirely different time zone. I wouldn’t know where to begin.

 

So yes, the ending of 2008 and the starting of 2009 has no significance to me whatsoever. No stupid resolutions, no joyous celebration.

 

Because you know what?

 

I HAVE CLASSES TOMORROW.

FROM 8.30 AM – 4.30 PM AS USUAL.

 

Apparently, India doesn’t see New Year as something worth celebrating.

A world-recognised public holiday and India has decided to ignore it  *snort*

Yes, it’s absurd. Tell me about it.

 

To those who are celebrating it (and getting a one-day of holiday obviously),

 

 

Just because it won’t change any of the miserable bits in my life, doesn’t mean it won’t to yours 

Enjoy it because it only comes once in a life time

 

 

P.S: I miss my family and home la. Haih.

Exam

 

First Internal Exam ended today at 4 pm.

5 days of eyebags, fatigueness and stress….

 

It was the most painful exam I’ve ever sat for.

 

It was only our FIRST exam and I managed to screw up big time.

 

A regret to repent. A mistake to be mended. A lesson to be learnt.

 

Anyways, going to Kerala in an hour time. A 6 day-and-5 night vacation.

 

Gotta go,

 

HAVEN’T EVEN PACKED!

 

Those who know me should know that I’m SO NOT a light traveller

For the heart

ALLAH KNOWS

By Zaid Bhikha

 

When you feel all alone in this world
And there’s nobody to count your tears
Just remember, no matter where you are
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows
Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There’s one thing of which there’s no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch a glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows
Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There’s one thing of which there’s no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows
Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows
Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There’s one thing of which there’s no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

Cause no matter what, inside or out
There’s one thing of which there’s no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

Every grain of sand,
In every desert land, He knows.
Every shade of palm,
Every closed hand, He knows.
Every sparkling tear,
On every eyelash, He knows.
Every thought I have,
And every word I share, He knows.
Allah knows.

An email

Arriving home at 5 pm signified the end of yet another day’s struggle.

And exams were creeping closer and closer.

As usual, the first thing I did was switching on my laptop.

Click click. Checked my blog. Checked my email.

An email from Dad.

Click.

 

My dear Nisa,

 

Asalamualaikum,

 

Allahu Akhbar, Allahu Akhbar, Allahu Akhbar Walillah Ilham…Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha dan Semoga segala pengorbanan kita diberkati Allah. Amin.

 

Bersyukur that you and the other Malaysian students celebrated the auspicious day though you are away from home. Your mum and I were touched with your kind thoughts to participate in the korban and may your efforts would be blessed by Allah SWT.

 

It has been seven weeks you are in the foreign land and I think by now you have acclimatised yourself with the new environment, cultures, lifestyles and know your acquaintances better. I have been through all this but in more severe weather, initially penniless, culture shocks and little religious knowledge to defend myself. Though you may not like me to compare but I wish to share with you my life experiences particulary the unforgettable student life in the UK.

 

When we are abroad, loneliness and homesick could unstable our lives especially when fellow Malaysians live apart. Some people could withstand it but others couldn’t. Those who could withstand it would accept it as full privacy whereby they could plan and focus their studies better. They are so busy with their course works that they forget about loneliness and homesick. During their leisure times, they would visit their fellow Malaysians.

 

For those who like to flock with birds of the same feather, life would be more interesting abroad but need high level of discipline to focus on the courseworks, otherwise procrastinations would be incalculated.  So my strong advise to you is not to be carried away with non relevant activities. Taking up a professional course like medic, chartered accountancy etc is no joke for we need to push ourselves really hard. There is indeed little time for pleasure, leisure. It means real business where we don’t mix with pleasures. I bet you have conditioned your mind to face the hardships. Nobody would coax us when we are down and it’s all within us to motivate ourselves and get going.You have to get up pretty fast, do the postmortem and move on when the results are less satisfactory. Obviously, we always turn to Allah SWT for guidance.

 

Lately, our family has been a ‘role model’ to our family and relatives. I don’t brag about it knowing you and abang are in the initial stage of your course. InsyAllah, with dedication, discipline, good health, focus and understanding your mission of being there…you would succeed.

Remember, somebody has to pass no matter how difficult the course is.

 

From far away, your mum and I could only berdoa for your safety and success.At least we know that our passion, sacrifices to bring you up and the rest of the family as you put up in your blog would be rewarded in 5-6 years time.

 

So finally, I know you are burning your midnight candles on your work and remember to spend your precious time revising for the coming exams. I am confident you could get through your exams comfortably if you put your body and soul in it.. Always remember Allah SWT,the most gracious and merciful. That’s the gist of korban.

 

With all our Love.

 

I am not good in expressing anything. I don’t know what to reply or the things I should say. 

But words, no matter how short they are, or how simple, have impacts. Especially when you know the words were written by someone who loves you and wishes for nothing but the best.

They become more precious.

Dear Friend,

I’m confused.

 

I always say friends come and go.

But by the term friends, I meant different people at different times.

Not the same people at different times.

Them who come when they need you for something. And seem to disappear after that.

I don’t feel sad or affected by it. I don’t feel used.

I couldn’t care less.

But it annoys me.

And the one thing I couldn’t stand is just that.

It annoys me because when I have other things to do, you come and insisted me to do you a favour.

And not in a pleasant manner either.

It annoys me because no matter how passive and careful I put my blank look on just for you, you seem oblivious to it.

It annoys me because you don’t notice how annoyed I am even though I’m making it perfectly obvious.

It annoys me because even after all the signs, you’re still there.

 

Who are you to me again?

Which main role do you take on in my life?

And why should I care for you?

 

In fact, let’s make it more general.

 

Who are you?

Aidiladha

For those who celebrate Aidiladha today, it’s not too late to wish right?

 

 

 

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha

 

Our house mengada-ngada did a small Aidiladha celebration as well before going to class. Hehe.

 

We have kuih Raya! Moist chocolate cake, baked by Nanet 

 

 

Serunding- thanks to Qish. Kuah kacang, Diba. And nasi himpit yang tak menjadi, credits to me. Sorry aaa, a bit comot. 

 

Indian rice is weird laaaa. I already put extra water and yet it still turned out as normal rice…..

 

Raya songs and Takbir Raya from the laptops completed our mini Raya.

I even wore baju kurung to class! Which is rare.

 

“Kenapa ko pakai baju kurung?”

“Sebab hari ni Hari Raya.”

“Tu kan Malaysia. India raya esok.”

 

I care what. I want to celebrate it today, I want to celebrate it today la.

I’m a true Malaysian at heart

 

The best part (the only part kot) raya-ing in India is that the portion of korban here is cheap. One portion of cow is only INR 1050 which is…..well, not even RM 100. One cow has 7 portions so a lembu cost less than RM 700! Cheap right??

I only paid for 2 portions this year but insyaAllah, am gonna increase it next year

 

So, raya…..

I didn’t feel sad. I didn’t feel anything kot. Until I listened to my dad bertakbir raya through Skype last night. Waaa…

But now I feel normal. All I have to do is not to think about raya-ing at home. How hard is that right?

 

I’m more concern about my SLE yang tak siap-siap, my record books yang also tak siap and the FIRST INTERNAL EXAM next week.

Other than that, I’m perfectly fine.

 

Gosh, I feel so hungry.

Oh Well

Life is hard enough.

Having to wash the toilet adds to it.

 

For the 2 months I’ve been here, I’ve been able to avoid doing just that.

Nanet usually cleans the toilet. I sweep the room.

Now that we have to take turn, this week’s mine

 

I tried to conceal the fact that I’d never cleaned a toilet before but…

 

I took the fabric whitener instead of CleanMate.

 

“Nisa, first timer ke?”

Busted.

And when I replied yes,

 

“You go Nisa!”

“You can do it!”

 

Moral support from my housemates. So the very sweet.

 

Oh well, the toilet awaited me. 

So I took a deep breath and started my work.

 

My tools

 

Scrub scrub. Sweep sweep. Wash wash.

Trying hard not to wince.

Avoided looking too much.

Screamed silently for Kak Us.

 

When I felt my backbone’s about to break…

 

 

 TADAAAAAA!!!!!

 

I want a bibik

 

 

P.S: Where did my widgets go?? No time to figure it out now, so please bear with it until I’m less busy.

Usrah

Today was the first time I’ve ever joined *usrah.

*usrah = a small group of people discussing religion issues. Am I right?

 

It was held at MJ’s house (apartment atas) only for Pratham Enclave’s tenants. I kindda like it better this way. It meant lesser people and and and, no seniors were present.

 

Not that there’s anything wrong with the seniors. Just that it’s more relaxing to be among ourselves (super juniors) you know?

 

Well, the usrah was like any other usrah. The topic discussed was Niat….

 

“Camne kalau ade org mintak sedekah pastu kite automatic je bagi? Xde niat pun. Automatik je.”

“Haaa, tu namenye…involuntary action. Smooth muscle.”

 

“Niat ni sebenarnye tak perlu lafaz pun. Cukup kalau terdetik di hati. Kite ade receptor kan. Send impulse.”

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ……………….

 

Budak medic berusrah.

PMS

Fairies have been busy sprinkling the PMS magic dust  into everyone’s eyes lately.

 

“Penat la. Padahal tido pukul 9 malam tadi..”

“Wahhh.”

“PMS ar.”

 

Sudden outburst and overbuild stress?

“Hormone imbalance. PMS.”

 

Outward ignorance.

“PMS.”

 

Snapping at redundant stuff.

“PMS?”

 

Kuat makan (me! me!)

PMS~

 

Everything is PMS.

It suddenly plays an important role in our lives whereas before this it didn’t seem to exist.

Maybe because of India? Rubbish.

Maybe because of medicine?  …….

 

How easy it is to be girls right? We can blame everything on PMS and everyone would just go, “Ohhh. No wonderrrrr.”

 

Seems a whole lot of nonsense even to me. Wth.

Yeah, I know all about the hormones and stuff.

 

SO?

Everything COULD NOT be because of PMS.

 

Go and eat a bar of chocolate.