This IS an experience

 

Mumbai was bombed 2 days ago.

 

Had not Dr. Mishra, our Physiology lecturer informed us, I wouldn’t know anything about it.

At first I dismissed it as something that’s not so important (we’re in Bangalore what) but when I googled about it after I’ve reached home….

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/7754438.stm

 

I froze with terror.

Ok la, exaggerating. Muahahaha.

I was gripped at how serious the whole situation was.

So serious that it was the major news in CNN and BBC websites.

 

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/11/28/mumbai.sites.latest/index.html

http://retributions.nationalinterest.in/mumbai-attacked/

 

To those who are so lazy to click on those links (which I know covers the majority of you readers out there), this is what I know. If I gave the wrong facts, please forgive me and…THAT’S WHY, RAJIN-RAJIN LA CLICK ON THOSE LINKS. I don’t really know the details. That’s how katak di bawah tempurung I am.

The attack was launched on Wednesday night and continued until Thursday morning. The terrorists, who called themselves Deccan Mujahideen hijacked not one but ELEVEN places in Mumbai; among those were Taj Mahal Hotel, Oberoi Hotel, Chabad House and Cama Hospital. At least 183 victims were killed while 300 others were injured. They didn’t only bombed the places, they also fired indiscriminately and held people as hostages. The news reported that they targetted foreigners- especially UK and US citizens. The cause of the attack was because they (the terrorists) felt that Muslims were being discriminated by Hindus. I don’t know whether it’s true or not.

 

The scariest parts were:

1) The last thing the terrorists said was “This is not the end.”. Meaning there’ll be more attacks in the future *touchwood*!

2) Karnataka was identified as one of the 3 critical zones in India. Bangalore is its main city…which could mean…..*touchwood*

 

 

ONLY THEN I found out bombings frequently occur in India. Even Bangalore was bombed in July 2008! The Forum and Garuda Mall have also been bombed. They treated bombs like toys!

So yeah, we were warned not to go to public places and to stick to our campus and residential areas only.

But but but, I’ve promised Nanet (my roommate) for weeks that I’d accompany her shopping today. As a safe precaution, we decided to leave in the morning and be back before night. I was still scared but I just prayed we’d be safe. Even so, I felt SO PARANOID on the way to Brigade Road.

An auto is cute and all BUT THERE ARE NO DOORS. So everytime it stopped at a traffic light, I got nervous. I was afraid that the motorcycle-man next to me would suddenly pull out a gun and shoot us. Yalah, because we’re Muslims and all. Who knows if they wanted to get their revenge or something.

Alhamdulillah, nothing happened.

 

That’s not the story here though. Very long introduction right? He he he.

When we’re about to reach Brigade Road, our auto stopped at a traffic light. There was a baby blue Satria-sized car with half-tinted windows next to us.

I was talking to Nanet while looking randomnly at the car when something caught my eye.

 

What’s the man holding? Is it….?

Okay, maybe I was being paranoid again.

It must be a cellphone. That must be it.

So I looked for the second time,

 

OH MY GOD IT WAS A GUN.

I wasn’t being paranoid!! It really was a gun!!!!

 

It was small and black and his finger was on the trigger.

I was so scared that I froze, my eyes glued on the gun. And on the man.

And the man noticed I was looking at him and that I’ve seen the gun because he kept looking back at me.

 

Nervously, I said to the driver,

“I want to go down here.” while praying he wouldn’t shoot at us or anything.

“No, wait. Go down there.” Pointing at a junction of a nearby road.

“NO, I WANT TO GO DOWN HERE.” I didn’t even know where the hell we were but I didn’t care.

All I knew was that I wanted to get away from there. And fast. Bloody stupid auto with no doors and windows.

 

I didn’t know whether Nanet noticed what I saw because she was bewildered at my sudden reaction.

“Kenape ko nak turun kat sini? Belum sampai gi.”

I told her with a forced smile, “Nanet, org kat sebelah tu ade pistol.”

That man, who noticed that I’ve noticed, put his gun into the car dashboard.

And she looked. But then she kept her cool.

“Ko jangan tunjuk ko nervous, nanti die perasan. Buat bodo je.”

 

I KNEW BUT HOW COULD I BUAT BODO???  HE HAD A GUN!

 

Then the car moved to the front a little bit and I gave a relieved sigh.

When I was about to pay the driver, my hands were shaking.

This would NEVER happen back in Malaysia. NEVER.  *now starting to appreciate Malaysia’s harmonious environment*

I never felt so scared in my life.

 

Moral of the story? Next time listen to people’s advises!

But what’s important is that we arrived home safely right? Not gonna go out anymore until all this is over. I think. 

 

 

P.S: To my parents, I love you both.

Hurt

One of the many things I shouldn’t have done is probably

 

giving the URL of this blog to my parents.

 

I know, what was I thinking?

 

I did that so they would be able to know about my life here since I couldn’t exactly call them every night. And because I was too lazy to email the pictures and everything.

 

That’s it. FULL STOP.

 

I DID NOT ask for any additional comments.

I DO NOT appreciate them making assumptions that I go shopping every week and that I don’t study. I sleep for only like 4 hours every day. What do they think I do? Shopping?

I DO NOT wish to be compared with Yazid in any way. I am so allergic with this. No matter how brilliant he is or how high the percentage he got for his professional exam, I don’t want to be like him.

I DO NOT like them criticising the way I write or the kind of languange I used. No matter how rude or impolite I may sound, that’s all ME. None of my friends think they’re the ones who taught me such things because they certainly DIDN’T. This blog is ME and I shall write whatever I want in it.

 

Maybe they meant well. Maybe I’ve misinterpreted their words. Besides, isn’t that what parents are supposed to do? They’re here to give us reminders and advises and words of wisdom. Maybe I should stop being so rebellious.

 

Haih.

Parallel Lines

I couldn’t concentrate on studying despite the fact that the monthly test is tomorrow. I never felt so unprepared for an exam before. So many things I haven’t read and memorise. And yet I couldn’t seem to focus.

I hate this.

I hate not knowing what’s distracting me.

How could I solve what I don’t know?

I still feel I’m walking without any direction. I am not lost. But why is it that I still feel reluctant?

How? When I don’t even know?

I like plunging into things blindly. Thinking that the unknown is somewhat more exciting. And that no matter what, I’ll be able to cope. I must cope.

I never thought of other possibilities. I never considered failing, because that’s just ridiculous. I could do what I’ve set my heart on.

The more people say I couldn’t, the more I want to prove I could.

The more they say I’m like this, the more I want to be like that.

The more they expect me to be obedient, the more I rebel.

So why did I succumb this time?

 

Who the fuck says following the parallel lines is easier?

The fact that is SO wrong about me

Starting at a new place means mingling with new people. And new people tend to make assumptions about yourself. You’re this you’re that yada yada yada. Which coincidencely, seems to match the comments I got from the old people.

The thing that I would like to CORRECT without doubt is about my EATING HABIT.

Admittedly, my eating habit is a bit weird. I could make a long list of the food I don’t eat and ok la, I am picky. But I can also be so not picky.

 

BREAKFAST

….is usually a cup of black coffee or Coke and a bar of chocolate which I usually consume between lectures. I’m not a morning person. I  have zero appetite during the early hours of the day. Black coffee/Coke/choc are essential to keep me awake while listening to the lecturer droning on and on since I always stay up late.

I also couldn’t eat heavy stuff like rice and noodle. Once my dad forced me to eat half a tuna sandwich for breakfast and I ended up having stomach ache the whole day. Fish and chicken are considered heavy.

 

LUNCH

By this time, I’d be famished and I’d eat a lot.

 

DINNER

Because I eat a lot during lunch, I’d feel full during the night (my metabolism hampeh). Even if I felt hungry, I prefer to shut my stomach up by snacking. Chips, choc (again), cereal, biscuits, fruits, COKE…you get the gist. This is because by eating heavy food, I’d feel sleepy and if I felt sleepy, I couldn’t study which is a no-no. And I have this theory that I don’t need that much energy at night anyway.

 

 

I DON’T EAT RICE?

Says who??? I do eat rice! I may not eat it frequently but I still do wth. Only that, rice makes me feel full. I like snacking a lot. I like eating varieties of food at once. If I ate rice, I wouldn’t be able to eat other things. And rice’s TASTELESS. Why would I wanna eat something that doesn’t taste like anything? Being an Asian, of course there’ll be the time when I feel that my hunger could only be settled by eating rice. So yeah, I DO eat rice. Please don’t say that I don’t.

 

I DON’T EAT VEGGIES?

I do! Seriously, I do! I’m just anti-veggies and try to reduce my veggie consumption as much as possible. Eating too much veggies is not healthy!

 

 

BREAD AND BUNS

These, without doubt are probably my favourite food in the whole world. This also include food that are bread-ish like paratha, pau etc. Even so, I don’t like to mix bread and buns with meat or fish or curry or whatever. I like to eat them plain. I don’t mind if the filling is red beans or kaya or anything-that’s-not-meat.

Thus, I have this habit of picking over the buns instead of the fillings. As long as they’re soft, I could tolerate anything. Also, back in Miri, the only loaves of bread I would eat is Ma Baker’s. If my mum bought bread from other bakeries, I wouldn’t touch them and yes, tend to throw a tantrum until I get Ma Baker’s bread. They’re really soft ok! And they have this sweet taste when eaten plain. Kalah Gardenia.

 

COKE

…is my favourite drink of all times!! *excited excited* I think I got used to this habit at home because of Yazid. He’s a bad influence laa.. Also, I don’t like drinking plain water because…..it’s TASTELESS. I only drink plain water during school time. Coke is my energy booster. Thus, it’s suitable to be drank at any time; early in the morning, afternoon, late at night. Right right right? My housemates make a big deal of it everytime they see me opening the 2L (only INR 50!) Coke bottle. They drink juice early in the morning what. I drink Coke la. And it’s not like I drink one full glass of it at once. I only take a few sips. One bottle could last me for a whole week. Where got many!

 

Now that those are sorted, lemme make a list of the food I don’t eat :

FOOD I DON’T EAT:

1. Corns

2. All kind of soups

3. Nuts

4. Sushi

5. Cheesecake

6. Pineapple

7. Kelupis, lemang, ketupat

8. Anything masak curry

9. Anything masak kurma

10. Cotton candy

11. Instant noodles

12. Marmalade

13. A lot of types of veggie

14. Tuna

 

 

And and and, DON’T ask for my opinion on food. I dunno ok? I dunno how “delicious” should be. The best opinion I could give is:

“It tastes like chicken.” or

“It tastes like fish.”

True what. If chicken tastes like chicken, then that’s how it should be kan?

 

Also,

I AM NOT ANOREXIC. NOR AM I THIN.

 

We’re settled then.

Nisa pergi pasar

My parents never asked me to buy groceries or run errands for them. This is because……

 

THEY DIDN’T TRUST ME TO *sob sob*

 

To do them justice, I don’t trust myself either. But ever since I came here, there are lots of things I have to convince myself to do.

One of them is going to the market. When 

I never even touched raw fish or chicken or meat in my life.

I always avoid the wet section in supermarkets.

 

Dugaan.

 

Nisa pergi pasar

The ideal place to buy wet groceries here would be Yeshwantpur because the stuff there are madly cheap. Even I who never knew the price of anything think they’re cheap, so they must be right?

 

The rules of going there are:

1. Don’t bother to take a bath before going – checked

2. Wear a tracksuit and t-shirt – checked

3. Don’t wear nice shoes – unchecked. I wore my white Nike shoes.

 

Comments received upon bumping into other Malaysian students:

“Amboi, cantiknye kasutttt.”

“Nisa, ni bukan Garuda Mall ok.”

“Kenape tak pakai slipper je?? Nanti kotor!”

People, my love for my feet is a million times more than my love for my shoes. Enof said.

 

Armed with my digicam, I looked more like a tourist rather than the supposed mak cik pergi pasar.

 

Dried chillies

 

 

The arrangement of daun sirih caught my attention

 

 

 

The veggies and what-not were so fresh and pretty and cheap that even a veggie hater like me felt like buying everything. You know, “For Display Only” purposes.

 

Some used antic scales.

 

Some used electronic scales.

 

Kambing yang gemok. I want one!

 

 

Took a picture to delay going inside this fish lane.

 

 

The SMELL, huish. Huishhhhhh

 

 

The STATE, huishhh. Huishhhhh

 

Bye bye chickens

 

At the end of the errand, shoes were still sparklingly white

 

Had I been living alone, I would rather order delivery everyday than going there. But hey, it was a brand new experience

 

P.S: Am considering of being a vegetarian already. But then, I’d probably die of starvation. So yeah, that’s not gonna work.

What?

Finally, it’s Friday NIGHT.

Not that there’s anything special with that but I used to be happy everytime Thursday came. Thursday meant the next day’s Friday and the day after that was already weekend. And Friday meant the subjects were not so packed. It also meant I wouldn’t be tired.

To those Fridays, goodbye.

Oh yeah, am being dramatic

 

Present Fridays….

We only have 2 lectures instead of the usual 3. And instead of 2 hours of practical, we go to the library to complete our given assignment. We get two hours of break instead of one hour and spend 2 hours in the afternoon for tutorial.

 

BUT WHY IS IT THAT I STILL FEEL I COULD DROP ASLEEP RIGHT ON THE FLOOR AT THE END OF THE DAY?

 

I’m complaining, and complaining is no good. At least, that applies in this situation.

For some reason, I feel a bit down tonight. I just wish I know why.

 

I never felt homesick ever since I came here. I didn’t miss my family or home. But now, maybe I’m just hoping I could see my parents sitting at the dining table when I walk outta my room. 

Maybe I  want to hear my mum nagging at me for shopping a few times too many.

Maybe I miss complaining to them on the phone every single night about the day I just went through.

Or maybe I just miss them.

 

Whatever.

A Jinxed Afternoon

I was officially jinxed today. Ok la, not the whole day. After-lunch-whole-day.

The morning went fine.

Didn’t wake up late.

Didn’t miss the bus.

Did sleep during Anatomy lecture, darn! I was like, “Oh, Anatomy. Can sleep now.” Double darn!

 

For lunch, I always share with EFFA because the portion of food is large and I always ask her to order. I don’t really mind what I eat. See Effa, I’m not picky! AT ALL. Today it was garlic naan + prawn szechuan noodle. When will you learn makan naan pun dah kenyang fa? Hehehehe. We just ate a quarter of the noodle so we asked the waiter to *parcel our food.

*take away = parcel

When we’d arrived at campus,

“Sa! Your noodle!”

“Ah?”

“NOODLE. You left it on the table.”

Since I wouldn’t eat it anyway, I didn’t really care.

 

After lunch break was dissection. We had to be in the dissection hall before 2.30 pm so I rushed to unpack my stuff from my bagpack. We walked merentas matahari to the dissection hall.

When I put my bag down to take my dissection kits and gloves out, I discovered that

 

IT WASN’T MY BAGPACK.

 

I carried someone else’s bagpack from another building to another building without realising it! And the bag wasn’t even similar with mine! It was Puma. Mine’s Camel Active. How many people use Camel Active bagpack in my batch I ask you? Only 2! 

So I had to merentas matahari again to retrieve mine while wishing the owner hadn’t realise her/his bag was missing.

Thankfully the owner was my own housemate.

Then then then, I rushed back to the dissection hall because if you’re late, you’d be locked out. I brought my dissection kit and gloves with me. When dissection was about to start, I couldn’t find them anywhere!

Dissection kit hilang, okay la (because I was always kedekut to use mine to dissect, hehe) but no gloves, how to dissect???

After searching, I found my dissection kit. Or at least, I think it was mine. And I got an extra pair of gloves from Mimi.

And while I was in the toilet just now (if you asked what was I doing in the toilet, you’re stupid), tiba-tiba there’s no water! Had to use mineral water. Gah.

Turned out, it’s blackout.

Another gah.

Today not good

Occupied occupied

Yes, I’ve been so occupied these few days….

Studying?

I wish!

Let’s see..

 

THURSDAY, 13th November 2008

CM lecture ended early (CM lagi..cancel dat subject je laaa) so I went with Effa and Hanefa to Brigade/MG Road for…

 

SHOPPINGGGGGGGGGGG

 

 

After that of course, went to Barrista Coffee for DINNER.

 

 

 

Can u not see the adoration for the white plastic bag shown on my face?

 

 

FRIDAY, 14th November 2008

A tea party was organized at Kak Sha’s house after class. She always comes up with some kind of activity EVERY WEEK.  There were about…almost 20 people, I guess. Tea party la sangat…it started at 7 pm!! So it’s dinner party with tea menu

 

We’re both in pink because….

 

 

Utterly delighted by the sight of goreng pisang!! I dunno how to make them so I have to wait for people to do it for me….

 

The caramel pudding Effa and I made. Well, I helped stirred and masuk-masukkan benda

 

Keturunan Mahsuri I tell you

 

Got teh peng (teh susu) some more.

 

SATURDAY, 15th November 2008

Went to a birthday party. Not Yazid’s (even though it’s his birthday on that day…) but a friend-of-mine’s. I feel so teruk now

Anyways, pictures are coming up in the next post because this post is already too long

 

My conclusion?  ENOF JALAN-JALAN AND HAVING FUN. TIME TO STUDY!

The worst sister ever yay

Dad: Nah, talk to Yazid.

Nisa: He’s in KL?

Dad: Yeah, it’s his birthday yesterday kan.

 

Oh fuck.

 

I FORGOT YESTERDAY WAS HIS BIRTHDAY.

 

Fuck fuck fuck.

 

And my dad had to remind me today that I forgot. If not, I wouldn’t even realise I forgot. Get what I mean?

 

Nisa: Happy belated birthday!!!

Yazid: It’s not 15th November yet in India is it? You’re a day late there huh?

 

Sarcastic remark. Ouch.

Why am I so hopeless when it comes to remembering people’s birthday?? I used to be so efficient in remembering dates!!

Argh. Feeling so disappointed in myself right now.

 

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY GEMOK!! TIME TO OPT FOR A DENTIST LOOK DON’T YOU THINK SO?

 

I am so sorry I forgot your birthday!! Maybe because you didn’t give me the pair of MCKY sneakers you promised for my birthday?

So materialistic la me. He he he.

Doubts

At last, I feel it’s safe to post this because my parents will be in KL and Kuantan for at least a week and by the time they come back, I’ll have posted other stuff that they won’t even bother to read this. At least, I hope so.

 

   

 

 

 

I arrived in Bangalore, India at midnight on the 22nd October 2008. I didn’t feel anything by leaving. Not sad nor excited.

The first change of emotion I felt was when I stepped inside the apartment I was placed at. Even in the darkness, I could see the row of books and books lining neatly on the study desks. Instantly, I was gripped with fear.

At that moment, I found myself asking all the wrong questions.

 

Did I make the right decision? Is this what I really want? Could I make this work?

 

I couldn’t say I was prepared for all this. I felt as if I’d taken the wrong step.

My first week was a blur. Everyone seemed to know everything and I seemed to know….well, nothing. Plainly nothing.

I never felt more stupid.

As the weeks passed, and as there’s more to learn, I found myself lost in between; the fear of losing and the determination to fight.

Not many people know that I never wanted to take medicine. Maybe this came as a shock considering how passionate I sounded in my previous posts.

Now you know. Life is full of suprises isn’t it?

I never wanted to be a doctor. Quoting my mum’s words when I got the offer letter:

“I’m suprised. You never showed any interest in being a doctor.”

Because I knew, how hard it would be. Taking medicine is a never ending journey of learning. Medicine would be one’s life. That wasn’t an option I was willing to consider. I wanted an easy life.

When form 5 ended, I still couldn’t decide. I still didn’t know. I wished I was one of those people who’d been saying she wanted to be a doctor ever since she’s a kid. But no, I wanted to be an accountant, a lawyer, a geologist, a psychologist. I wanted to open a bakery. I wanted to work in advertising.

 

I asked a friend once:

“Could you picture me in a long white coat doing rounds in the hospital?”

“No.”

 

I knew I had to choose. I just didn’t know what.

When I made the decision to do Foundation, my aim was only to get good results. That’s it, no more.

As hard as it is to believe, I somehow fell into doing medicine. Since I didn’t know what to be and since I felt ashamed of myself for wanting an easy way out, I decided to go for the hardest thing there’s to achieve. I wanted to see how far I could go and what I could reach in life.

It was then when I realised the importance of going for the things you need to do instead of what you want.

I wanted to do business but I knew I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to do medicine but I knew it’s what I should take.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but sometimes you just know what you have to do. You would know your priorities.

When the time comes, one has to decide and be willing to commit.

 

You must be wondering, why is she saying all these things?

Because I was afraid and I still am.

Because the doubts are still nagging in my head.

Because I am trying to convince myself that I’ve made the right decision.

 

Even if hell freezes over, I refuse to give up.

This is the path I’ve decided on.